The Raising of a Self-Deprecating Blogger

Just the Worst

As a child/adolescent/teenager I was just the worst. I got good grades (on the extra homework I requested), was really into extracurricular activities (as in ran between club meetings in my soccer cleats while simultaneously doing a mental run through of Junior Miss pageant choreography), and kept my nose squeaky clean.

For instance, I was the 16 year old who called my mom to pick me up from a party because there was alcohol there. I wasn’t even drinking it, I was just uncomfortable with the idea of being in the same zip code as underage drinking.  Paint the picture? Yah, I was obnoxious.

Pressing the Reset Button

So one day my parents had a pow wow and decided that they were going to alter their parenting strategy – making the shift from supportive and loving to supportive and loving with a hint of “take her down a peg.” They figured if I wasn’t going to get myself into any trouble and insisted on being involved in trophy related activities I was going to get an inflated ego and/or become an insufferable ball of perfectionism and anxiety and start being super annoying to share meals with.

As a result, my most vivid memories of my youth are the times when I was being an idiot. Not necessarily because the moments were all that life changing but because the stories were told repeatedly at family gatherings, the grocery store, the bank, the weekly Tuesday public forums convened to discuss my shortcomings, et cetera, et cetera.

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

To be clear this is not a knock on my parents. Not at all. Their strategy really worked and I’m (mostly) tolerable now because I know deep down in my heart that I’m just not that special of a snowflake. With their help, I learned to laugh at myself, a lot.

Because when you are asked to put a small potted plant into the shade on a hot summer day and you decide the best way to accomplish that is to drag the 11 foot picnic table it is sitting on across the length of the lawn, you kind of have to laugh. Or when you are sarcastically asked “What is going to happen to the popsicles if you leave them outside in July?” and you react by putting them in the shade. (Why are so many of my stories about not understanding the sun?)

Oh! And the time my popcorn didn’t pop enough in the microwave so I decided to close the bag back up and pop it again. But I couldn’t find any tape, so I used a pen to close the bag, by folding the two sides of the bag together and jabbing the pen through. A pen, with a metal cap. That I put back in the microwave… (I wasn’t as young as you want me to be in any of these stories.)

Living, Loving, Laughing

To this day, I’m most comfortable in my own skin when I’m laughing at myself for being a disaster. Life is a lot more fun that way. And if I can teach my children one thing it would be to not take yourself too seriously. I mean, try your best, be kind, and follow your dreams and all, but for heaven’s sake if you fall down rub some dirt on it, and maybe even turn that fall into an uncomfortable looking attempt at a somersault so you can get more mileage out of the story. Oh, and totally unrelated but since I’m in teaching mode – children, please also never ask a woman if she is pregnant. Ever.

With love and respect for Merm and Pop (and just a few thousand dollars worth of therapy bills),

4 Replies to “The Raising of a Self-Deprecating Blogger”

  • Omg! I remember some of these stories. Always wondered how you felt about them being told at family gatherings… now I know! Haha!

  • Lol one story I have never forgotten was the day we were sitting in a circle all taking turns reading, it came to your turn you start reading, then stop. You refuse to read the next word. You say that’s a devil word and I will not read it. ( the word was hell) Mind you we were maybe 8. I don’t remember what happened after that maybe they moved on to the next kid. For some reason that day has always stuck in my head. You were an amazing child and we were all lucky to have someone like you in our class. You were a/are a pure soul and we really need those in this world.

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