Am I Hungry Enough to Eat That?
July 5, 2017
I have a long commute to work. Like “bring water and other survival supplies” long. It’s not horrible though because I can pretend to be intellectual and listen to NPR, pretend to be cool and listen to Kiss 108 nodding along when they talk about whoever the heck Fetty Wap is, or pretend to be funny and write blog posts in my head. But I don’t always follow my own “bring water and other survival supplies” rule which makes for some interesting life choices when the extreme hanger sets in on Route 2. I’ll explain.
Usually I’m driving around 5 o’clock in lots of traffic and usually I haven’t eaten in over an hour which is just far too long. So I play a little game I like to call “Am I hungry enough to eat that?” with the forgotten contents of my work bag. Some examples:
- Apple I packed for lunch yesterday that got accidentally poked by a pen – Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that. Chew around the ink.
- Granola bar that has been in my bag since 2012 because it’s a gross flavor – Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that. Mmmm preservatives.
- Baby Puffs that made it into my work bag by the hands of a helpful baby – Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that but they did literally nothing. What is this, crunchy air?
- Clementine that now looks like a shrunken head – No, I am not hungry enough to eat that. Dangerously close though.
My kids play that game around our house too, but it’s less of a game and more of a lifestyle choice.
- What’s that, an acorn? Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that. Why aren’t you letting me eat that???
- Look there is a goldfish cracker on the floor that might have been from the previous home owners – Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that. Mmmm preservatives.
- Did someone 450 miles away just whisper “lollypop”?!? Yes, I am hungry enough to eat that. Right now.
- Enchiladas that took mom an hour and half to make – No, I am not hungry enough to eat that. “Enchiladas aren’t my favorite. Want something different please.”*
“Am I hungry enough to eat that?” is usually a solitary game, but I’m hoping to make it multiplayer. Play along with me in the comments by sharing the weirdest/grossest thing you’ve been hungry enough to eat, please and thank you. As further incentive to participate I’ll build out my own list a little: A worm (that’s 100% true, and I wasn’t a child or on Fear Factor), Chinese food so old it could remember where it was during the First Battle of Bull Run, and oatmeal. I shouldn’t need to explain that last one but I guess I will. Oatmeal is the worst. The end.
With the curiosity of a cat and refined palate of a dog,
*Points for good manners though.
P.S. Follow this blog on Facebook for more irrational ramblings and survival skills.
P.P.S. Thanks for the shout out in your recent blog post, Kirsty!! I couldn’t think of 7 interesting things about myself but 1 interesting thing is that I think Kirsty is hysterical and I urge you all to check out her blog Honest K.