I Can’t Get a Tattoo Because of Jonathan Taylor Thomas

I’m 98.5% certain that I’ll never get a tattoo.

It has nothing to do with my opinion of them on other people (because my opinion of other people’s bodies doesn’t matter one iota, but for the record – I think your tattoo is fantastic).

Or needles (a little to do with needles)

It really boils down to an adolescent crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on JTT

Growing up in 90s suburbia there were two types of people: people who thought *NSYNC was better than the Backstreet Boys and people who were wrong. Sure, I’ll rock out to a Backstreet Boys jam today but my loyalty still runs deep. There were also two generally agreed upon adolescent crushes, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Devon Sawa. You couldn’t go too wrong with this one, because ugh Devon as Casper, melt my 11 year old heart, but I set up camp in the land of JTT.

*NSYNC, that other boyband, JTT, and Devon were all regularly featured in Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, Cosmo Girl – all the classics. Teen Beat had the best posters though and I have vivid memories of going to friends’ houses and their bedrooms being covered floor to ceiling in dreamy teenage love.

If These Walls Could Talk

Not my room though, because while I don’t remember my dad taking a super hard line on a lot, he had a thing about permanence. And resale value. He also had a pretty good understanding about the fickle nature of children.

As a result, Pop could not care any less how cute Jonathan Taylor Thomas was, his Teen Beat poster was not getting tacked onto my bedroom wall. Haphazard adolescent tacking would ruin the value of our home and wreak havoc on my parent’s nest egg. I negotiated for tape but that was also against house regulations for fear of peeling paint. If something was going onto your wall it was going on there framed and with a nail carefully placed by an adult. And it would be up there until the end of time. You had to make a real glass/plexiglass/plastic commitment to bedroom decoration.

Maintaining the pristine condition of our walls to ensure that my parents would retire comfortably seemed like a lot of pressure on my 11 year old self, but it was a good, albeit a little intense, lesson.

The Car With the Lower Back Tattoo

This permanence stance wasn’t solely related to JTT posters or bedroom walls. Car bumper stickers were also a no go. I honestly believe that if I was ran for President of the United States my dad still wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on his car. Don’t get me wrong, he would totally vote for me as long as I was running on a fiscally responsible platform but I could not count on him for an advertisement on wheels. I was taught that once a bumper sticker was on it would be there for.ev.er, again severely damaging resale.

To this day, if I see a car donning a bumpers sticker for a politician who failed to win the office of her/his choosing a little part of my heart dies. For the politician who really was just trying her/his best, for the car owner whose dreams were dashed, and for that poor car who just lost a couple hundred bucks of value in Kelly Blue Book.

Living in politically active Massachusetts it’s really a wonder I make it through my commute without eating all the ice cream in despair.

Bumper Stickers

As an adult my car remains bumper sticker free. (Glen’s car has stick family stickers in the back window because we are “those people” but they peel off very easily without residue.)

All tacks are reserved for cork boards, inconspicuous areas above door frames for birthday decoration purposes, and holes left by the previous home owners. We have canvas prints for a gallery wall that might be put up in 2024 because I have a paralyzing fear of the permanent marks the nails will leave when I inevitably mess up the placement of said pictures.

Fine, JTT. You Win.

So, yeah… putting a very permanent tattoo on my body doesn’t seem likely in my future. I have friends and family members with gorgeous, meaningful tattoos and they are awesome. 

But for me, Jonathan Taylor  Thomas will have to stay in a small frame that can easily be removed from my nightstand.

JTT Present Day
I thought about explaining that last sentence more, but let’s just leave you deciding whether or not I have a picture of present day JTT on my nightstand. That feels more fun.

With an inkless body and a desk drawer full of unused tacks,


35 Replies to “I Can’t Get a Tattoo Because of Jonathan Taylor Thomas”

  • This post was just to fun! As a girl who grew up in 2000 my posters were a bit different. However my parents were particular about placement! Only on my doors, and with sticky tack! I always loved redoing them! Totally get everything you said tho! No car bumper stickers here either! 😂

    • Let me guess… 2000s…. so Joshua Hartnett and Ryan Phillippe? Not ashamed to admit Joshua Hartnett stickers decorated my calculator cover through most of high school. My pops let that slide.

  • I remember the good old days of ousting after JTT myself. I absolutely love your writing style and appreciate your sense of humor. I really enjoyed this and the break away from my never ending ringing Work phone this morning. Xo

    • The swoon worthiest! Thanks for reading! And if you don’t have tattoos and find yourself in a situation where you need to explain yourself, feel free to use this. There’s no patent on it.

  • My husband has this nice little response he likes to use when people ask if he ever thinks he will get a tattoo, and I feel like it is extra appropriate right now given your bumper sticker stances.

    “You wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari”

    <3 RIP TeenBeat posters…..

  • Just what I needed! Totally in the JTT camp and I desperately did my best to convince my sister that ANYONE else she could “claim” except for JTT. I also could not put posters up on my walls and instead kept a binder of JTT articles and posters and OMG I now realize how creepy that is… JTT, *NSYNC, with a bashful dose of Hanson were my adolescence. This is exactly why I cannot take Carson Daly seriously on the Today Show. TRL forever.

  • Were you not even allowed blue tack? Or is that not a thing in the states? My walls were covered in posters stuck on with blue tack. The worst it does is leave a slight greasy mark…

    Also, silly dad – you normally repaint a house before you sell it anyway…

  • I love this so much. Bought my very first teen/tween magazine because of him on the cover 😀 FYI, my room was covered in pin-up/poster wallpaper, but it was eventually of Hanson. B-)

  • Ha! Maybe the weight of permanence is a Horan thing? I also have no tattoos. And here I always thought it was just because I was a Gemini and could not commit. Jk. Lol!

  • Hahaha!
    Living in politically active Massachusetts it’s really a wonder I make it through my commute without eating all the ice cream in despair.

    Just outside DC and I feel you in this one. Take it off. Cover it up. Do SOMETHING. Omg I hate cringe-inducing comedies where you are meant to laugh AT the protagonist (so basically everything Steve Carrell is ever in) and I feel the same way about people with prominently displayed losing campaign stickers. It’s SO awkward. 🙃

  • You’re writing style is awesome (very funny but practical message). Personally, I agree with you in one sense but will be getting tattoos. I agree that a tattoo is a long term art choice and can’t be entered into flippantly, but I also feel that there have been certain events in my life, or recurring messages, that I want to remember forever–so much so that I would be willing to put them onto my body.

    • Absolutely! I think tattoos on other people are great. I love the stories and the artistic expression. Just for me, all I can think about are JTT posters. 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  • HA! I am actually laughing out loud. I would argue that “LOL” is the most widely told lie of the last 10 years, but today it is true. Also, I was absolutely that girl with Teen Beat plastered on my walls, though I too couldn’t use anything permanent. I used this blue sticky stuff – “sticky tac maybe??” that lasted for about 5 hours and then fell down. Nevertheless, Teen Beat and glow stars were my decor of choice. Also – I am right there with you on the bumper sticker thing. I also live in MA; my drive to work on the Pike should be accompanied by tiny little violins lamenting the disappointments of the politician, the supporter, and the poor car.
    Just started following your blog. Looking forward to the next post.

  • I think it’s a little unfair to blame this on JTT. Isn’t it really Chuck’s fault? I bet Mr. Taylor Thomas would totally support your getting a tattoo.

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